


How Could Someone so Bright Love Someone so Blue?

by causetheturtle



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, I don’t even know if that’s a thing but it is now, Just all the general Zuko warnings, M/M, Most explicitly panic attacks, angsty fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/causetheturtle/pseuds/causetheturtle
Summary: Zuko occasionally wondered, usually at night when he was wrapped in Sokka's arms, how he had ever gotten so lucky.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Kudos: 8





	How Could Someone so Bright Love Someone so Blue?

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by the song 'Sad With What I have' by Rufus Wainright.

Zuko occasionally wondered, usually at night when he was wrapped in Sokka's arms, how he had ever gotten so lucky.

Alright, so he wondered it more than _occasionally._ If he was being honest it was more like a constant cacophony of dread running wildly through his mind, but it was hard not to wonder why Sokka - brilliant, caring and funny Sokka - had chosen _him._ Because Sokka was _perfect_ in every way and Zuko was... well the exact opposite of perfect. Sokka was smart with more ideas than he knew what to do with, whereas Zuko had to work his ass of just _keep up_ with all of his advisors and the world leaders he had to deal with. Sokka was a jokester who always knew how to put a smile on the faces of the people around him even in the darkest of situations and Zuko couldn't even remember half of a joke and only ever made people laugh by messing up. Sokka was handsome, handsome enough to have a thousand girls falling at his feet, compared to Zuko who was disheveled, burned and cast aside by everyone who was meant to care about him. Sokka had a loving and caring family - which, sure was a little small and broken but they would do anything for each other - whereas Zuko couldn't scrape together enough family members who weren't either criminals, insane absentees or who had wanted him dead at some point to count on one hand... or even more the one _finger._ Sokka had the moral compass an agni-damned saint and seemed as if he just naturally made the right decisions with no qualms about right and wrong, whereas Zuko's moral compass was so incredibly messed up that he found himself in pieces over what - for most people - were easy decisions that you regularly came across in everyday life.

Zuko nuzzled his head in closer to Sokka's chest, tightening the grip his arms had on the other boy's middle. He'd missed this. His bed had been cold and empty for much to long. He was just grateful that Sokka had offered to be an ambassador for The Southern Water Tribe or their separations would be even longer and Zuko truly didn't think he would be able to handle that since, without Sokka or even just his other friends, his bed wasn't the only thing that was cold and empty but the whole palace had an aura of darkness around it. As Zuko walked through the lonely halls all he could hear were the phantom screams of his childhood and the shuffling feet of servants avoiding eye-contact. It's not that Zuko could blame them for being scared, he doubted Ozai was into creating a positive work environment and Zuko was aware of the fact that he was no saint and could lose his temper but he always apologized after his lapses in judgment and he was trying _so hard_ to make the palace _and_ The Fire Nation at large a happier place but everything was such an uphill battle and it didn't matter how many times he tried to push that rock up that stupid hill he just kept on _failing._ Even the executive orders he'd pushed through in his first few days as Firelord, like freeing the prisoners of war from behind bars or legalizing homosexuality had recieved _so much push back_ from Ozai's loyalists that Zuko had felt like throwing in the towel right then and there and if any of the people who apposed him found out about Sokka then-

"I can hear you thinking, you know."

Zuko was broken out of his repertoire by a recognizable voice whispering into his hair. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's alright," Sokka replied, gently moving his hands up and down Zuko's back. He took a small semblance of comfort in that.

"It's not okay if I woke you."

"I was barley asleep, don't worry."

"How can you be _barley_ asleep?"

"I was in that weird realm between being asleep and awake and I was having a strange... not dream. You know those dreams that are half real life and half dreams?" Sokka asked, but he didn't give Zuko enough time to answer before he was barreling ahead with his explanation. "Well I was having one of those and I kinda thought I heard someone moving outside the door-"

Zuko jumped up out of Sokka's arms like a shot "What do you mean you heard someone?" He asked trying hard, and failing incredulously, to not panic.

Sokka shot up next to him and placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Babe, we're fine. I was just imagining it. No one's there."

"But-"

"No buts," Sokka held up his finger in an authoritative gesture. "You told all the staff they weren't to disturb you under _any_ circumstances unless something urgent happened. What's the chances there's gonna be some kind of crisis tonight?" Sokka was obviously trying to calm him down but his last sentence only made Zuko worry more. 

"This is a war torn country in an era of complete political unrest. We are in the middle of one incredibly long, uninterrupted crisis."

"Well then _more_ of a crises?"

"Still a pretty high chance."

Sokka turned his head to the side for a moment and Zuko was sure he heard him mutter something along the lines of "I'm really not good at this," which was a ridiculous statement cause Sokka was good at everything.

"And-" Zuko continued "-if someone did come in here and saw the two of us together then-"

"We'd be alright, it's not like its illegal here anymore."

"But it's still taboo-"

"And big whoop. You're the _Firelord,"_ Sokka gripped onto both Zuko's shoulders and shook him for emphasis, "what're people meant to do, disobey your orders?"

"Sokka, you know how fragile everything is right now. One more slip up, one little crisis and all of my father's supporters could revolt and take control and then I'd loose the throne and we'd all be forced into another war and everything that you and Aang and Katara and Toph and everyone else worked for would be gone and- and-"

And now he couldn't breathe. Brilliant. 

Not that panic attacks were particularly uncommon for Zuko, but he really didn’t want this to happen tonight. Tonight was his first night with Sokka in what felt like centuries and he really wanted it to go well and it just wasn’t going well and- 

Alright, that line of thought wasn’t helping the situation. Zuko reached into the back of his panicked mind to try and find some of those old Air-Nomad coping techniques Aang had taught him.

 _Number 1 - Imagine that all of your fears are balloons floating up into the clouds. _He could do this. Fears...floating away. Up, up and away... far into the distance... going, going gone-

Oh what was he doing, his fears weren't balloons that was just bullshit.

 _Number 2 - Identify five things and repeat them in your head or out loud to help ground yourself in the moment._ Five things, that was easy - Sokka, Sokka, Sokka, Sokka, Sokka... Little bit more differentiation would probably be good... Okay, round two - Sokka's hands, Sokka's eyes, Sokka's lip, Sokka's hair- Oh, for Agni's sake! That was just the same thing!

 _Number 3 - Breath in for four seconds, hold your breath for four second and breath out for four seconds._ That was easy enough. In four four... hold for four... out for four. In for four... hold for four, out for four...

Okay, this was working, he could feel his heart rate slowing, hear his mind quieting and see his room coming back into focus out of his good eye.

He could also feel a warm hand rubbing gently up and down his arm and hear soft whispers of reassurance in his good ear.

”That’s it, you’re doing so well, just keep breathing...”

Zuko continued to listen as he came down, the voice slowly grounding him back into reality.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Zuko whispered when he reached the point where he didn't feel as if he was going to die on the spot.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," Sokka reassured him, both hands cradling Zuko's face and stroking his cheeks in a soothing pattern.

"Yes I do."

"Like what? What have you done so wrong that it's made you spiral like this?" Sokka asked, as sincere and patient and wonderful as ever. Zuko couldn't bother him more of his bullshit.

"I-It's nothing," Zuko assured. "L-lets just lie down again and relax and enjoy our time together-" Zuko had just started lying back down when Sokka grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Hey, come on now, we've been over this. If we're ever gonna work then I need you to _talk to me_ and tell me what's going up here," Sokka tapped the side of Zuko's head with light chuckle.

Zuko couldn't help but smile. How was Sokka able to do that? How could he have Zuko go from spiraling out to smiling in two seconds flat?

"Bother me, tell me what's on your mind." Sokka took bother of his hands in his own.

He looked into Sokka's eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. He took a deep breath in, convincing himself that Sokka _was not_ just lying to make him feel better, and gathered his thoughts.

"I'm the worst Firelord ever and all of my citizens hate me," he let out in one breath, terrified he'd loose his nerve if he stopped even for a moment.

"Alright, I've already told you this like, a thousand time and I will continue to tell you this until the day I die - that is absolute bullshit. Sure, there are people who want you dead but people also wanted your father _and_ grandfather _and_ great-grandfather dead-"

"Not their own _people._ " Zuko specified.

"No, but that's because of centuries of propaganda they _forced_ on their people," Sokka reminded him. "Listen, I truly think that the people who don't like you are an _incredibly_ vocal minority. Sure, the upper-class who made millions off of profits from the war and Earth Kingdom Colonies are pissed as hell, not gonna lie, but the majority of everyday people enjoy not having their children forced into military service, or their rivers polluted or their wealth horded. And if they do have a problem with you and your whole 'new era of peace and fairness thing' it's _their fault_ , not yours."

Zuko took a deep breath in and nodded in agreement. He'd been given a hard job, he was doing his best and doing what he though was right. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it for the generations after him who get to live in a world better than the one he had been brought into.

"Also, there is a pretty low bar for being a good Firelord. As long as you don't start a war or commit genocide you're doing okay." Sokka added for levity 

Zuko couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter at that comment.

"I guess you're right." Zuko was ready to let it go at that point, lie down and try to get some sleep, but it seemed Sokka had other plans.

"What else is wrong?"

"There's nothing else," Zuko lied.

"Yes there is. As much as you like to act all mysterious and unknowable, I know you. That wasn't the only thing on your mind. Spill."

Zuko took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. ”Do you ever... you know... wish you’d picked someone else?”

”Picked someone else, what do you mean by-“ then the realisations dawned on Sokka’s face. “Ohhhh... what’s gotten you worried about that?”

”I always worry about that," he admitted out-loud for the first time.

“Why?” Sokka's face was all scrunched up and his eyebrows were furrowed. He looked so confused as to why Zuko would ever think that, however, to him the reasons seemed so painfully obvious.

“Because you’re so... you. And I’m so... me.”

That didn't seem to alleviate Sokka's confusion. ”You’re gonna need to go into more detail than that.”

”It’s just... you’re perfect," he sighed.

”I’m not perfect-“

”Compared to me you are. And you could have picked anyone to be with, any girl would’ve gladly had you and they wouldn’t be as difficult as me-“

”You’re not difficult-“

“Yes I am!" Zuko yelled, his voice echoing through the large chambers and shaking the near silent palace. "I’m a fucking mess Sokka and my whole life is a mess and I’ve made so many mistakes and I have so much responsibility and you should be with someone you can have fun with cause I’m not fun and- You just deserve so much better than me.”

Sokka's face fell in sadness, although he quickly wiped the look of pity off of his face, probably since he knew how much Zuko hated to be pitied. He took a moment to start talking again, seemingly gathering his thoughts and thinking of the best way to go about this.

“I don’t care if you’re a mess cause you’re my mess and I love you. Every bit of you." Sokka was still holding onto his hands as if for dear life and drawing soothing circles in his palms.

"Whatever happened after the war we were all always gonna have responsibilities," Sokka continued softly, "and I don’t mind that cause I want to make this world a better place. And I like doing that with you.”

”But _why me?_ ” Zuko asked, hating how whiny his voice sounded.

”Cause your so passionate about things and you work harder than anyone else I’ve ever met. Also you're hilarious- and I know you don’t think so but, believe me, you are," Sokka cut in before he could object. "You’re so dry and sarcastic, even when you don’t mean to be but even then I’m always laughing _with you_ , not _at you_. You can’t hold up a conversation to save your life, your so awkward and easily flustered but the moment you need to be you're suddenly ‘Fire Lord Zuko’ and you're making speeches and kicking ass but you never lose your awkward Zuko-ness." Sokka reached up to pinch his cheek and Zuko slapped his hand away, but without malice and a growing smile on his face. "And you're kind, much kinder than you give yourself credit for especially since you were shown so little in your life. You've been through so much but you've manage to come through the other end a genuinely _good_ person and I love watching you grow. And you’re incredibly hot, like, your jawline is a gift from the spirits." Zuko laughed at the kast part and Sokka's face lit up along with his. "Does that about cover it?”

“I guess it does.” Zuko replied, a deep red blush now growing over his face.

”Good. And any time you forget all of the reasons I love you just ask and we’ll go over it again and again and again.”

”Really?”

“Yeah, really. Now come on, let's go to sleep.”

With that the two of them resumed their previous positions. His mind still wasn't completely quiet, although he doubted it ever would be. However Zuko was much more relaxed than before with Sokka's words and the list of why he loved him going around in his head as apposed to the list of every reason he had not to. And if Zuko ever forgot, he could just ask and Sokka would remind him why. And that felt good.


End file.
